I imagine what it would be like if I were impervious to the negative effects of chuckle juice and amphetamines. To walk outside, blazing with Chemical confidence, kicking in the neighbor’s door, slapping their loud kid, stealing their dog.
Dance until I melt into muscle, feel only the hum and buzz of electric eels using my spine as a stripper pole.
Sink perfect into a pillowless oblivion, swimming through air, my gaping mouth snoring, sounds as if Caruso has taken a bath in liquid LSD. I wake with the energy of Olympic gods in tablet form.
Move through the day glimpsing heaven in the music. Stepping through the paintings. Painting my kitchen lemon fresh. Blowing holes in the walls while shooting roaches with a 44 Magnum.
Clutching the garment of the officer, pleading understanding in split infinitives. Raging against my prison walls.
I cannibalize my fellow inmates and not in the way they requested.
Smiling Gut smeared face as I am led away by the team of Ninja psychiatrists, I scream “Don’t fuck with me, no one fuck with me, I’ve killed people, I was in the army I was in your toilet tank, I know your secret ketchup, I can cure cancer with my spit so fuck all y’all.
In the bedlam white room with the fake hipster unicorns and gut split napoleons, my mouth open forever teeth rotting eyes glazed as a week old ice market fish, I wait for chemical lovers to return with clockwork precision to sweetly kiss my brain and return me to the kingdom of heaven.
From which I was exiled.
For which I grieve
Fearing no such land exists beyond the mind
The end brings only death
and drugs are all we have.